Today is my dad's birthday. I generally see my dad for birthdays, Christmases, weddings, and bar Mitzvahs.
So naturally, I am seeing him today.
My relationship with him is best described as estranged. At times it can feel awkward, or acutely painful.
He is a big part of who I turned out to be, and is my outer-eccentric. I am more like my dad than anyone else in the family.
Always when he leaves again there's that feeling of emptiness and confusion. It's like someone handed me a $10 note, then wordlessly took it out of my hands again and walked away.
So, I am seeing him again today. I wonder how it will turn out.
The time before last, he brought the daughter of his new partner along when he picked me up to take me to lunch. I felt ambushed. She looked appropriately embarrassed. He made some excuse about why he did it.
We got out of the car and I didn't say anything but I took his hand as we walked together to the museum.
This week took me right back to where I landed last year at my law firm job.
For the last half of last year, I was stuck working for a bosshole of the highest order. He made me lose my lunch and my job in the end.
And he took me so far away from the person I was.
I became a stressed-out monster. I hated whatever it was that I ended up as.
I got pushed out a window and broke the fall of two others who followed after me.
I met good people there and also came across the worst people I will ever know.
Now I struggle to get that sense of wonderment about life back.
It's been eight years since you left.
Eight years ago today we sat at a table in Pravda together at dinner celebrating your life.
We'd found out the week before that you'd been cheating.
Mum wouldn't let you leave until after your birthday was over. Until the end she was on your side.
Happy birthday, Dad.
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