My brain is so tied up with journalism at the moment that I haven't had a single moment to stop and reflect. I am forcing myself to do some journaling today because I think it's really important.
We were assigned our beats at school today and I can't wait to get stuck in. The main aim for this year is to keep writing, reading, and learning more more more. We also had our first test yesterday which has made me rather anxious waiting for the results. I hope I can get my act together this year.
Sorry that this is so mundane but unfortunately the mundane is where I feel situated right now. Social anxiety has really hit with alacrity since I started this course, the not-so-little voice reminding me of every way I'm handicapped. I feel more awkward, more conversationally inept, and more inadequate than ever before.
Mostly at present I'm propelling myself through this course in the knowledge that I have to face reality sooner or later, and sooner is preferable.
I sometimes wonder if I am stuck in a moment I can't get out of (thanks U2.) Trapped in cyclical self-destructive behaviours, or wedded to a certain image of how my life should be by now. Instead of empowering me at the moment I feel that the coursework is sapping my lifeforce. That's an easy contender for cheesiest phrase in this journal thus far. I hate this kind of self-indulgent post. But I have to keep writing, and this is what's in me at the moment. Sorry y'all had to witness it.
Do you ever have that feeling that everyone around you has grown up and left you behind? I got that now.
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